


It Is What It Is

by kho



Series: Choose [1]
Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-11
Updated: 2017-05-11
Packaged: 2018-10-30 15:01:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10879227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kho/pseuds/kho
Summary: What is Mike to do when he realizes that maybe Rachel's not the only one he loves?I guess I have a bit of a series happening here.   I've written thebefore on tumblr, I've written anafter here.  And now?   The start of it.





	It Is What It Is

**Author's Note:**

> I will likely from time to time have something to add to this 'verse. I don't seem to have an entire epic and long story to tell here, but I definitely have "scenes" i want to write for it.

“Mike.  Stop it.”

Mike blinks and focuses his eyes.  He swallows.  “What?"

Harvey’s pen pauses mid-word as he looks up at Mike with an amused expression.  “You staring at me like that.  It’s creepy.  Stop.”

“I can’t stop,” Mike says, swallowing and leaning forward on the couch, elbows on his knees.  “You’re distractingly good-looking.”

Harvey, having gone back to reading his casefile and jotting notes in the sidelines, jerks his eyes up to meet Mike’s.  “What did you just say?”

“Good-looking,” Mike says, clearing his throat and waving a dismissive hand.  “You know.  You’re.  Really, really hot.  It’s.”  He waves his hand again.  “Distracting.”

Harvey squints at him and then snorts out a laugh before looking back down at the folder.  “Okay Mike.  Well knock it off.”

“Rachel thinks we need to get married somewhere else,” Mike says, staring down at the floor between his legs.  “She thinks it would be cruel to get married in your condo.”

“What,” Harvey asks, again, sounding vaguely annoyed at yet another non sequitur of an interruption but like he’s also honestly thrown.  “Cruel, why would… That’s ridiculous, I offered.”

“She thinks you’re in love with me,” Mike says, meeting Harvey’s eyes, eyebrows furrowing together.  “That you…  It would be cruel, to do that to you, if you’re in love with me.”

Harvey frowns and his eyes dart away and the way he swallows, quick and maybe a little overly loud, makes him look nervous, and Mike’s seen any number of emotions on Harvey Specter’s face but “nervous” is not a common one.

“Mike.”

“And I can’t get it out of my head, I can’t stop thinking,” Mike hurries through, grasping his hands together to hide the way they tremble just sightly.  “About all the things, Harvey, that you’ve done for me.  And the way you are, with me.”

Harvey closes his eyes, pinches the bridge of his nose.  “Mike.”

“Because I thought, that’s crazy.  That’s ridiculous.  Harvey’s not… there’s no way.”  Mike breathes in slowly, taking in Harvey’s slightly hunched posture, the way his breathing has quickened, but mostly, mostly the way he won’t look at Mike.  “Except she’s so sure, Harvey.  It’s not even a thought for her.  It’s not a theory, it’s not… she’s  _ positive _ .”

“Stop,” Harvey says, voice strained, and Mike feels like his heart skips and skitters around in his chest in the following silent seconds at the way he sounds.  He sounds broken.  Lost.  “Just stop.”

But Mike shakes his head and keeps going.  “And for the past week I’ve been looking at you trying to see what she saw.  Trying to see if you look at me different.  If you… but it’s not different.  It’s how you’ve always looked at me.  How you’ve always been around me.  Always done for me.  Always....  It’s not changed.”  He swallows again.  “Except for how it makes me feel now, when you’re around.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Harvey says, finally meeting Mike’s eyes.  “None of this matters, Mike.  It doesn’t change anything at all.”

“Yes it does,” Mike says, barely able to choke it out.  “Yes, it does, Harvey, because  _ I feel different _ now.”

Harvey blinks and looks up at the ceiling.  “Mike, listen.”

“I feel different now except for how that’s not right at all, because no I don’t,” Mike says, squeezing his eyes shut and covering his face with his hands a moment.  “I don’t feel different, I just feel…  _ more _ .  I feel it  _ more _ .  It’s not.”  He blows out a breath and looks back up at Harvey.  “It’s not like I look at you and feel, oh wow, who knew I could feel like that, I’m suddenly just head over heels rocked back stupid for you, it feels like….  It feels like...”

Harvey studies him for a moment and then lets out a breath.  “Feels like what.”

“Like oh,” Mike says.  “So  _ that’s _ what that feeling was.”

Harvey shakes his head, pointing at Mike.  “Don’t, Mike.  Don’t do this.”

“Don’t what,” Mike asks as Harvey stands and starts pacing.  “Be honest?”

“Yes,” Harvey spits out, turning to glare at im.  “Stop  _ feeling _ all over the place!”

“I can’t just unfeel this, Harvey.”

Harvey rolls his eyes.  “That’s exactly what you do.  You just stop it.”  He makes a slicing move with his hand.  “You just cut it off at the knees.  Because it doesn’t matter.  It doesn’t change anything.  You’re marrying Rachel.  You love Rachel.”

“And you,” Mike says quietly.

Harvey’s eyes shut.  “Mike.”

“I love you, Harvey.”

“No,” Harvey says, hands squeezing into fists.  “You don’t.  Mike, you don’t.  You don’t, not really.”

“Maybe you’re emotionally constipated enough to not actually know your own true feelings Harvey but I’m not,” Mike says, standing and walking in front of him, putting his hands on Harvey’s arms to hold him still.  “I might’ve been blind to them but once I saw them, I recognized them for what they were.”

“It’s guilt.  It’s misguided…”  Harvey shakes his head and jerks out of Mike’s grip.  “This is your bleeding heart syndrome feeling guilty for what you assume I’m feeling, but you have no idea what I’m feeling and there’s nothing for you to feel guilty--”

“You don’t get to tell me I don’t feel what I do, Harvey.”

Harvey stops, looking at him.  “Okay,” he says.  “Okay fine, Mike.  You love me.  You’re in love with me.  And?  So?”

“And I don’t know,” Mike says, shrugging and raising his eyebrows.  “I didn’t think that far ahead.”

“You didn’t think at  _ all _ ,” Harvey says, pointing at him angrily.  “God damnit, Mike, there’s a reason I never told you.  That reason works right down that hallway.  That reason is waiting for you in the home you share.  That reason sleeps next to you every single night.  That reason is wearing your engagement ring!”

“So isn’t it a damn good thing I figured this shit out before it was too late,” Mike yells back, stepping closer to him.  “Because it would have been horrible if I’d realized it  _ after _ we walked down that isle, Harvey!”

Harvey turns around, staring out the window as he crosses his hands.  “Go home, Mike,” he says, sounding tired.  “You're not in love with me.”

“Don't you think I wish I wasn't,” Mike yells, spreading his hands wide. “My life was so fucking simple before this!   It was finally getting back on track.  I got to have my life back and my job back and I was engaged to the woman I love and I was set, Harvey!  I had it all laid out before me!”

“You still have all of that,” Harvey shouts, spinning to face Mike.  “All of that is still true!  So go back to it, Mike!”

“And what, just forget how you make me feel,” Mike asks, feeling a lump grow in the back of his throat, his heart clench as he steps forward, closer to Harvey.  “Just pretend like being in the same room as you doesn't fucking kill me?”

“I do it every goddamn day!”  Harvey's eyes close as he bends his head forward, and it just hurts Mike more to know this hurts Harvey too.  “It's what adults  _ do _ .”

“Or maybe adults acknowledge that their hearts aren't limited to only loving one person, maybe adults realize loving someone doesn’t mean you can’t also love someone else just as much.”

“That's so enlightened of you, Mike,” Harvey says, voice hard and bitter as he leans back against the window and looks at Mike.   “Tell me.   Your fiancé.   Does she feel similarly enlightened?  Did you?  When she cheated on you with Logan Sanders?  Did you feel quite this charitable then?  Because I seem to remember a different reaction.”

“She wasn't honest with me,” Mike says softly, trying not to feel stung by the reminder and failing.  “And Logan Sanders was a dick.   Rachel knows you.   Cares about you.”  

“That makes it  _ worse _ Mike, god, what are you not  _ getting, _ ” Harvey bites out, stepping forward until they're standing toe to toe.   “Because it's so much easier when you can hate the other person. It's so much easier to dismiss them, to not give a shit about their pain or happiness, if you don't know them and care about them!   Because there are moments, Mike, there are moments when I fucking hate Rachel's breathing  _ guts.   _ Hate her, for getting to have you, for having the one thing I… the one person…”  Harvey pauses, taking a breath.  “I'm not proud of it, but it's true.”

Mike reaches out and puts his hand on Harvey's chest, over his heart.  Keeps it there even as Harvey tries to step away from him, only stepping closer to him.  “Harvey.”

“Mike, go home,” Harvey says, hands reaching up to grab Mike's biceps, holding him to the spot as Mike tries to step closer.  “Drop this.  Just forget all about it.  Please.”

“I can't just…” Mike let's out a huff of air and takes a step back.  “Is that really what you want?”

“It is what it is, Mike,” Harvey answers.  “It's what it has to be.”

“I didn't mean to make it worse,” he mutters, swallowing past the pain and regret he feels. Hoping the tears he can feel building in the back of his throat can hold off until he’s alone.  He straightens Harvey's jacket, staring down at his hands as he smooths the material down.  “I'll get past it.  I'll find a way to--”

He's stepping back to leave when Harvey grabs his chin, forcing him to look up into his eyes before he lunges forward and catches Mike off guard in a kiss.  He makes a noise of surprised almost-protest before curling his fingers into Harvey's suit coat to pull him closer, their kiss gone from sudden and sloppy to passionate and deep in mere seconds.  

Mike's knees buckle, the floor falls out from under him, there's fireworks outside of Harvey's window, or maybe that's just inside his own head.  Maybe that's just what it feels like when you kiss the man you never knew you'd been in love with for the past six years until your fiancé opened you up to the possibility.  

“Harvey shit,” Mike pants against his lips, eyes closed as he leans into him.  “What--”

“I didn't mean to, I was supposed to let you go, I told myself I'd let you leave,” Harvey whispers.  

Mike feels like his entire body is trembling.   “Why,”  he breathes.  “I'm standing here.  I'm standing right here telling you I--”

“I swear to God if you were about to quote Notting goddamn Hill,” Harvey says before crushing their lips together again.  His hands land on Mike's hips and bring him into closer contact with him.  “Don't fuck with me on this.   You can't fuck with me on this, Mike.”

“Never,” Mike whispers against Harvey's lips before delving his tongue out, licking against Harvey's mouth until Harvey opens up and let's him in.   “God,  _ Harvey _ .”

“We have to stop.”  Harvey pulls back and puts his hands out to stop Mike from kissing him again.   “We have to stop now or I'm gonna bend you over this desk and fuck you right here and now.”

Mike’s already hard in his pants, had been to begin with, just watching Harvey in the dimly lit office for the past hour.   At Harvey's words he goes from turned on to beyond and has to bite his lip to keep from coming at just the mere suggestion.  It's a near thing.

“Why does that mean stop.   That doesn't have to mean stop.  All that has to mean is…”. He pauses, shaking his head as he tries to push in closer to Harvey even though Harvey won't allow it.  “Yes Harvey it just means yes, god yes,  _ please _ .”

“Were not doing this,” Harvey says, and Mike's heart threatens to shatter into pieces on the floor until Harvey reaches up to cup his cheek.  “I'm not doing this until you are completely open with Rachel.    _ Before  _ we do this.”

“I will,” Mike says, hand gripping tight to Harvey’s side to pull him in.  “I will, we don’t keep secrets, we won’t ever keep secrets.  Me, and you, and her, Harvey.  We’ll never be a secret.”

Harvey looks at him a good long minute before nodding, sliding his hands down Mike's arms to his hands.  “Okay.   We’ll try it your way.  But I won't hurt Rachel.  We're all on board or it's not happening, Mike.”  

“Yeah,” Mike says, nodding and then leaning in to kiss Harvey again.  “I would never want to hurt either of you.”   
  
  
  
  


  * credit to Aaron Sorkin for Harvey saying sometimes he hates Rachel's “breathing guts”.   I know he's where I got that from even if it never registers when I'm writing it that I'm stealing it lol.  



  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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